After 20 or so years of working in the corporate space, I sat on the ledge of the plane, gazing down through protective glasses as the wind crazily messed up my hair. Far below was a landscape that may have been beautiful, but I couldn’t make it out; I didn’t have the presence of mind. Breathing was difficult because of the sheer power of the wind and the terror that was steadily taking over my system. I didn’t know if I could go through with it. Then the gentle assurance came. I needed to let myself go. I took in a deep breath, closed my eyes, and let go of control, slipping off the ledge with neither safety net nor parachute …

To be clear, this is imagery. I’m very much alive and well. Let’s give the story some context.

Two months ago, I walked out of the steady prestigious job at the big brand corporate I’d been with for 14 years. There wasn’t anything really wrong. The company is great and doing wonderful things of critical world importance. My title was Senior Group Legal Counsel. They had moved me from my native Kenya to South Africa and then to the company’s Swedish Head Quarters. I was one of not-very-many African expatriates, brought in mainly because of my business acumen, specialized skills and extensive experience. I was even earning an attractive annual retention bonus. I enjoyed it.

So why did I do it? Quit without an alternative job lined up or even any kind of severance package? Decide to make a go of it on my own in Sweden, without the very cushy security blanket that employment offered? I tell different people different things depending on the time of day, but really, there was only one reason: it was time. I’m not trying to seem deep, philosophical or poetic. Something within me had been gnawing for more.

The thing with being in contact with your intuition, inner knowing or God within (any name works), is that they don’t give you a detailed blow-by-blow description of the path they intend you to walk or even of the final destination. Theirs is not the dramatic prose of J.R.R. Tolkien describing Middle Earth in exquisite imagery. It’s more like getting Morse code signals from a machine with a failing battery; you get the message but the answers to your request for more input don’t come.

In my inner knowing’s defence, the message had been consistently blinking for some time. It had started off like that dull pain you ignore, before it cracks its knuckles and develops into a full body pulsating throb that keeps you awake at night. There were pointers that showed up along my life’s path indicating a need for change. Then came the trigger point. Something that would otherwise have been just another day at the office, but on that day, signified: “It’s Time”. I put in my resignation, served my 3 months’ notice and walked away.

I like to say that life’s been fantastic since I left … and that’s absolutely true. I’ll get into what I’ve been up to in a bit, but I feel that I need to be honest about the anxiety. I have savings and will be fine for some time. I had decided to take at least a couple of months off before venturing into business. But when I didn’t get my salary on pay day, a part within me hit a panic. It felt hot under my collar and worst case scenarios started flooding my consciousness.

“What if you got it all wrong?” I berated myself. “Who walks away from a perfectly fine job?!”

“It’s this feminine energy nonsense she’s been reading!” another part of me piped in. “We’ll all die of hunger because she took a couple deep breaths and slowed down to enjoy the smell of flowers!”

I ordered them to quiet down (because that’s how things work in my head on a normal Tuesday). But the doubt had crept in.

My inner knowing stepped in, simply declaring that I either trusted it, or not. If I had taken so drastic a step as to quit my job in furtherance of its guidance, I then had to believe that it was guiding me towards good. If I didn’t trust it (aka have faith), then I wouldn’t have quit my job in the first place. The logic somehow calmed me down and I was back on track.

What I’ve been doing in the last 2 months? Painting, working with polymer clay, re-reading The Lord of the Rings, dancing, networking with very interesting women and most recently crocheting. In the calm when I was not actively seeking it, my next step became apparent to me.

Have you experienced that slowly growing feeling of dissatisfaction that calls for more? How have you tackled it? How does your inner knowing engage with you? Feel free to share your experience in the comments!

Shiro Ndune – Business Development Coach